if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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