I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
