oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
