just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
