Pants 0. Shit 1.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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