Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
