other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
