I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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