I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
