when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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