No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
