I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
