Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
