Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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