note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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