3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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