I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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