I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
