When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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