Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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