I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Randomize
