it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
