sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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