So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All I want is dick and wine.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
