I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize