You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
