Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
