Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
