Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
