its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
