i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
