Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
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Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
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Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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