You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
