No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
