if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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