I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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