She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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