the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
As shirtless as possible
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
