I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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