My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
