being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
