is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
