i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
did you just send me my own nude
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
