So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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