Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
