I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
