If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
