Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
