you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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