saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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