Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
