if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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