threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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