awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
people are starting to question the shark bite story
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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