I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
