Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
