I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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