I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
