May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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