Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
