Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
