Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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