I wish I only lived at night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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