the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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