Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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