So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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