i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
